i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
