his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
