Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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