I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
