I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
