So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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