I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
