Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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