It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
