Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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