...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it because I queefed?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
