i need an iv and a liver transplant
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
