I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
