I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
