Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
