I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize