Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
