I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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