Yo dont text me then not text me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
