It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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