How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
