Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
