I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
