One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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