just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
smell my finger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
