you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
