I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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