Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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