If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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