dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
