right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
