Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
