I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
