chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
