I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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