I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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