If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
