Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
