Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
