chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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