he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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