you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
