apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
