I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
