I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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