..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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