ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
