That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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