Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you didnt know i had herpes?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
