It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize