Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
