I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
3 2 1 whiskey
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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