loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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