i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
