When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
