Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
