i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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