I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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