He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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