I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize