I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
