I bet he comes in French.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Alive.
So much puke
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
