If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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