I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
