you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
