Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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