tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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