who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
