Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
