I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
