I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize