Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
