So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
