If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
