Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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