I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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