Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
