It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
