ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
