I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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