ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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