Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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