When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
