It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
