Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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