glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
True strength comes from lack of pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
