There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FUCK WHALES
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
