I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize