she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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