Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
