God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
