Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i drank out of a bidet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
