I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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