the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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