ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
